Interviewer: As the "Cowboy" of The Good Samaritan Viking Cowboy Brigade, would you be willing to tell your audience what your current goals are?

Cowboy: Banging Sarkozy's wife.

Interviewer: She is foxy, isn't she?

Cowboy: She has a strange allure to her. Non-traditional sexiness.

Interviewer: Is it true that you've helped save not only ones, but tens of people?

Cowboy: That's true.

Interviewer: Wow! Just wow! And tell me sir, do you prefer puppies or kittens?

Cowboy: It is one of our missions here at the Brigade to create a puppy/kitten hybrid, so that we no longer need to choose.

Interviewer: Can you tell me more about your missions?

Cowboy: Well, we're currently in the planning stages of planting a broccoli tree forest.

Interviewer: Tell me more about that. Why broccoli trees? Why a forest?

Cowboy: Well, thanks to the good doctor George Carlin, we know that broccoli cures cancer.

Interviewer: Absolutely!

Cowboy: And since there's a lot of cancer out there, we thought, why not a forest? So our aim there is twofold. Cure cancer and stop hunger. Naturally we have secondary and tertiary goals of building a massive steamer and breeding a large cow for the cheese. The Viking is at work on the latter as we speak, experimenting with Odin's holy goat, Heidrun.

Interviewer: Makes perfect sense! Is George Carlin a particular inspiration for the Brigade?

Cowboy: He is. We recite the "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" every morning and night. Doctor Carlin was a freedom fighter.

Interviewer: That's very inspirational. Speaking of inspiration, do you have any words of advice for young kids?

Cowboy: Stay in milk, drink your drugs, and don't do school.

Interviewer: That's sound advice there.

Cowboy: Words to live by.

Interviewer: Now, for those of our listeners just tuning in, how exactly can someone reach you if they need help?

Cowboy: We can be reached by phone at 1-800-BRI-GADE. We can also be summoned by carrier pigeon and dog whistle. Long short, long short. We're currently working on overriding an old Commie broadcasting channel. But it'll probably be a few months before we get that up and running.

Interviewer: Sounds great. Thanks for talking with us!

Cowboy: My pleasure!

Interviewer: Do good deeds!

Cowboy: To good deeds and merry adventures!